I will not depend on my own understanding

Trust is hard for me. Trust means I give up my opinion and I believe in someone other than myself. It means I don’t question and I don’t try to understand.

I like to understand.

In spite of that, it’s no secret I don’t understand much in this world. Why I must have chocolate every hour, why my children don’t sleep at night, why awful people thrive on mistreating others. I especially don’t understand why I am such a coward when the Spirit of God lives in me.

Today’s confession sticks in my throat. I want it to be true. I want my life to be defined by trust in God. I want to leave fear and worry and distress behind. In my wild imagination, I swing from skyscraper to skyscraper on an itty bitty string, not trying to understand this enormous change that’s happened to me and my family. Strong, fearless, scanning creation for bad guys and opportunities to save helpless victims.

No, wait. That’s Spiderman. (Or my biggest little after he watches Spiderman. My furniture looks like a skyscraper to a three-year-old, right?)

Okay, no swinging and no helpless victims. But trusting, not trying to understand. That would be incredible. So in spite of the words sticking in my throat I confess:

I will not depend on my own understanding.

Then I turn to Proverbs 3:5 and find today’s confession in full. I’m not surprised to realize it’s about trust in God. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”

This one will take awhile to soak in. Things happen that I may never understand, but if I trust in God I don’t need to understand. I just need to seek Him.

Does trust come easily to you?

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2 thoughts on “I will not depend on my own understanding

  1. Wow. It’s as though you took the words right out of my mouth. I love that verse and hate it all at the same time, lol. There is so much depth and life in that verse, but sometimes it feels almost impossible to obey it.

    I, too, like to understand things. When things do not make sense or I am confused, I attempt to look for answers and to make sense of things. So it’s so hard when I have to just trust God with what He is doing in my life. It’s very difficult, but it’s something I have to remind myself of daily. Sometimes hourly.

    Awesome post. I really enjoyed it.

  2. Thanks, Jennifer! I have to remind myself of these things almost hourly too. This life seems to be all about trusting God for everything, doesn’t it? That seems unnatural to me in a society where we’re encouraged to learn independence as soon as we can possibly manage it. It’s a real trick to figure out how to live IN this world and still be APART from it, belong to God, believe He will rescue us. Good thing He doesn’t change based on our understanding, huh? 😉

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